As I was leaving the hospital yesterday, I had a nurse stop me. She said, “I just love Lee. He is such a nice guy. This wouldn’t happen again if he could lose some weight. I just think that if you could help him with that…”
I’ve been down this road before. I smiled and began my opus (hee hee), “Is your name Cindy?” She nodded her head. “Cindy, I know you have a good heart. I know you do. And I want to let you know that Lee and I have been down this road before. You see, I know he would be healthier if he could lose some weight but there is a point where you let go of the need to ‘fix’ him. Only he can do that. We can encourage and support him but if he is not ready then it isn’t my story to tell. It’s HIS story. I am just here walking along side of him. It’s my job to accept him for all his wonderful traits and let go of all the rest because he is an amazing guy with a belly. ”
“Yes, but if everyone could just lose the weight then…” she began when I interrupted.
“Aahhh…I see…it would be a perfect world if everyone could lose the weight?” I patted her arm. “Cindy, Lee has a big ol’ belly. I think we know that. One of his personal issues in life he works on. Here’s the thing…his personal issue is out there for all to see, right? How about yours? Your issue isn’t in your weight but maybe it is on the inside where no one can see it. EVERYONE has issues of some sort to work through. Some are visible while others are where no one can see them. You may have the weight of something in your own life weighing you down building stress and causing other body ailments but it is on the inside. Everyone is working through this life experience with different inner and outer work. No one is exempt. So next time you assume that ‘if they just lost weight that everything would be perfect’ think again. We are all works in progress. I accept you for who you are and letting go of anything else because that is YOUR inner work not mine.”
Cindy looked at me as if a light went on and then hugged me. She started crying. “I needed to hear that today. I really did. I have been assuming too much and too often. I don’t know. You’re right…I don’t know.”
“Cindy? But by all means if you want to have a talk with Lee you go right ahead. It’s a part of your job, right?”
“No, it’s not actually. I am here to help him the best I can with what he has. I forgot. I thought I was being helpful but realized that it isn’t my story…it is his. Thank you for reminding me.”
Whew, thank goodness she was receptive. It doesn’t always end that particular way, does it? I accept Lee as he is…an amazing full of heart and humor man that I love fiercely.
Remember that everyone is inner working. Sometimes it is right out there for all of us to see and sometimes it is buried deep within but either way we are spiritual beings having a physical experience in the same world. How about we accept, unconditional love, let go of assumptions and judgments, and just encourage and support one another while we’re here.